…and what comes afterward
When I was at the Sri Chinmoy Center I definitely felt that kinda “I am special” feeling, especially in relationship to the “Outer World” people, as Chinmoy referred to them. And when I left the center the transition was hard. I took a dive in self esteem. I was berated by some close to me and that sent me from the mountaintop down to the bottom of the lake. That Golden Shore was infinitely far away. But, you know, it was the humbling thing I most needed. And yet I struggled desperately to hang onto that spirit thread that now lay dormant. Where was it? It was always there of course, I was just blind to it. Back in the fog of unknowing. Then, at the age of around 52 or so something happened and the switch turned on the light again. I must have inadvertently bumped into it in the middle of some crisis because there it was. This time though I didn’t much care how good I looked cause I was a bit bedraggled, and I started to care less about how others perceived me. It was definitely a freeing up of something. WTFKs? And then again in my mid 70’s something really popped. I started to feel absolutely light and free and all the fear, which was always a driving force, surrounding my psyche suddenly dissolved. And then one day, recently, I had this explosive feeling of unconditional love. Something I never experienced before. I touched on it slightly with Linda, and some more with the birth of my children and grandchildren, but never ever like this. It rocked me. It released me. It sent the most beautiful shivers down my spine, and arms and legs and head and…
And now I’m open. I feel grace. I feel gratitude. I feel the most intense love coming in and through me from some cosmic place, I can’t really put it into words. And yet, I’m still human, and very emotional, and I still get angry and sad. But now I have this ultimate warrior that lives inside, maybe it’s my soul, that I have a pure connection with. This is where I go to assuage all my fears and witness my ego’s laughable behavior. So to answer your question, I have no idea what spiritual superiority is, because I’m getting ready for my next journey into the void, and as far as being superior…”ain’t nobody’s got time for dat!”
Numinous Waves 